


A journey around Thedas with angst and glory: Working title

by RealBoyRanma



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Hurt/Comfort, I just think about what's beyond the amaranthine ocean, Military Backstory, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Trauma, but like not necessarily a different world, it's fine, sailor/pirate kind of ish AU, things happen differently
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26678473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealBoyRanma/pseuds/RealBoyRanma
Summary: If he died right there, he would be pissed. He didn't do all that for nothing. He didn't get forced to be a soldier for nothing, he didn't lose his best friend for nothing, he didn't desert for nothing. He didn't endure all the bullshit life had thrown at him to bleed out on a stupid boat in stupid Rivain. His face was wet now too, maybe because of the rain, or the tears, it didn't matter.
Relationships: Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 7
Kudos: 6





	1. A Boat, Two Thieves, and a Stab Wound

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I keep posting stuff and deleting it cause I don't think it's good enough or too closely mirrors someone else's stuff but i think i did it, something I'm actually proud of so, here? yay! I posted something!

Dorian Pavus was on a ship. He was not supposed to be on this ship, he was on a ship he was not supposed to be on and nobody knew that he was on it. Dorian Pavus was a little stressed out about being a ship without being allowed on the ship but Dorian Pavus was way more stressed out about the Tevinter army looking for him after he deserted. So he would make do with the anxiety, and fear, and the what if's that circulated his thoughts to get away from almost certain death if he stayed in Tevinter.

Oh sure he had been on a ship before, not a pleasant experience, too and from Seheron, but the people leaving Seheron didn't seem quite as concerned with him hitching a ride as much as they did with getting the fuck away from Seheron. No one wanted to be in Seheron, they could deal with a few deserters. But at least on that boat he could get sick as loudly and as much as he needed too, on this ship he had to be a quiet puker. 

The ship was… quant. Not as big as the ones Dorian had seen back home, with their spiraling gold lines masts, the intricate figureheads. No this one he would more describe as Cozy. It wasn't big, it wasn't small, it was a little less than medium sized and as far as Dorian knew only had quarters, and two cabins, one with a Hammack, and the other with a couple of cots if anyone got injured, the rest was all working space, gear, storage, food. The ship was a dark wood, and it was cluttered. He wondered, wasn't ship living supposed to be stark? These people had trinkets and gadgets all over the place. They didn't seem like pirates nor sailors. They seemed like a bunch of kids who bought a boat and decided to have fun. But of course, that wasn't exactly true. Dorian had watched over the last week that when they had docked, they came back all bloody and battered. This was honestly quite terrifying. He had no idea what they were doing but obviously as reckless as they seemed these were not people he wanted to mess with. 

He'd gotten on the ship just passed the border into Antiva. Quickly after his first ship docked. He'd heard the group chatting about making there way to Ferelden, and as much as Dorian hated the cold, at least it was far, very, very far away from Tevinter. 

He hid in a little nook at the front of the ship, there were some barrels and rope there that seemed to have not been touched for ages. He was still in his soldiers uniform, it was bloody and ripped. He knew his wounds were festering, the long one on his back was itching and burning, he knew it was pussy too cause it always just felt wet. But Dorian didn't know what to do other than hide. He was just hoping it would resolve itself. He heard somewhere that seawater helped heal wounds faster, he was hoping that was true, he was getting a healthy crash of waves soaking him to the bone every once in a while.

Dorian had no idea where they were. He knew they had docked, he knew that the crew had left and he knew that he was soaking wet, cold to the bone, itchy, gross, and really sick. But since there was no crew on the ship, and he assumed from last time that they could be gone for a while, Dorian decided to risk stealing a bit of food and healing supplies. He couldn't quite reach the wound on his back but he could try, maybe hope any salve could drip it's way down onto it. 

Dorian stirred in his little nook and crawled out. The sky was as gloomy as he was, and was not kind to him as he tip toed his way down into the ship. Rain stung his skin, he was pleasantly surprised at how warm the ship was inside. Maybe to someone who wasn't freezing it wouldn't make a difference. The hammocks had these blankets, he remembered being wrapped in a much fancier looking one as a child, a quilt, they were in dull pinks and blues and managed to not look damp but even a little bit dusty. His heart ached as he walked passed them further into the ship. All the things surrounding him made him more and more gloomy, made him wonder how much longer he would be wandering like this. How much longer he would have to see people have all of these comforting things while the only thing he had was the shredded shirt on his back. He sighed. He walked over to the preserves and grabbed a bag of dried meat. With how tough it was he wondered if it was bear. Did people in the south eat bear? He wasn't sure he'd ever eaten bear before. Or if he was now going to be eating bear-

But then he heard a shuffle, and a crash. He perked up, slowly backing away from the preserves and supplies. That was quick. That was really quick. Like only 20 minutes. Dorian tiptoed as fast as he could to the top of the stairs. He listened closely. It couldn't be them it was two fast, unless it was just one of them and they had forgotten something.

"Just pick it up already. It's not going to kill you." The voice was whiny and obviously young, and obviously Rivain.

"Gimme a minute, just makin' sure no one was on board to hear it's'all." now that was Ferelden. Well, they weren't the crew, so they were probably thieves. 

"Come on, the good stuffs probably in the captain's quarters," Said the whiny one.

"If he's a good captain he'd keep it under the ship." said the Ferelden.

Dorian knew for a fact this ship had nothing in it aside from a few coins and personal effects. He'd looked the last time. It just didn't feel right stealing from people who had what seemed like such meager wages. Should he stop them? I mean he really was no better and looking out from the corner he was in it didn't seem like the men were exactly rich either. But then again he did owe these people at least something, for stealing their food, and stealing there water. That deserved a little tip, at least. But what could he even do. He wasn't in exactly the best of health, and his mana was low to begin with. How wasn't sure how fireballs and sigils would exactly help on a wooden ship. Maybe he could just scare them a-

"Looks like we've got a little observer." Uh oh. Dorian stiffened as the two thieves looked in his direction.

"Oh, wow, he looks awful." Said the Ferelden. Oh well now, that was just rude.

"Hey! Come on out of there. Don't worry about us, come one." the whiny guy motioned at him like he was some sort of wounded baby dear. Which made Dorian kind of angry. But he carefully came out anyways.

Pathetically, meekly, he said "You shouldn't be here." Oh well yes, now that would work great wouldn't it? Tell the thieves carrying big sharp weapons about how they shouldn't be here, it was probably just a mistake anyways, idiot, idiot, idiot.

"Neither should you, luv." Said the Ferelden.

"He's kind of pretty under all the grit wouldn't you say, kits?" said the whiny man, who was now walking closer to Dorian.

"No, I wouldn't say that." He tilted his head to the side and gave his partner a confused look. "I'd say he looks awful." his partner just waved him away.

"You a stowaway?" he asked. Dorian didn't say anything. "If you come with us," he could feel his breath on his face. "Our boss could fix you up pretty, and we could make good use of you." 

"This is boring, I'm going to the captain's quarters." The Ferelden said.

"If you know what I mean." Dorian did know what he meant and Dorian didn't like it. There was a lid next to him, the one that they knocked all the stuff off of. It was an easy grab. If he could just hide his quaking hand long enough to…

The lid rammed against the side of the mans head, easily making him bleed, a lot. But it seemed his efforts were in vain because before he could get away he felt a sharp pain in his gut. Kaffas, That hurt. It made him queasy and dizzy all at once but he still tried to get away. Maybe fire wasn't such a bad idea at this point. He'd rather burn the ship down than die. That was an easy choice, but he'd really rather prefer to not burn the ship down and to not die. So he tried his best to channel his magic as precisely as he could without a staff, without the proper mental faculties, or mana and shot. Immediately the guy was immersed in flames. Dorian almost let out a whoop of joy before he realized there was a whole other man now running at him.

The man on fire jumped off the ship and into the water, one down at least. The lid was still by him though, he could get a good hit at his legs make him trip then cast better. It didn't quite work how he planned, when the guy reached him Dorian did manage to trip him, but then Dorian tripped over him and landed on the stab wound and the guy managed to get a slash on his face above his eye brow which, wow, that bleed a lot, he had to close his eye, but before the guy could fully get his barring's Dorian was able to shove him over the edge of the ship as well. 

He took a moment, held his gut with all his might. Maker, he was dizzy. The whole world was spinning and soon he felt the dull whack of his back slamming against the boards. He felt the familiar sting of his faithful wound between his shoulders. The world went in and out like a tiny flame, it made his head hurt and the dried meat want to come back up again. If he died right there, he would be pissed. He didn't do all that for nothing. He didn't get forced to be a soldier for nothing, he didn't lose his best friend for nothing, he didn't desert for nothing. He didn't endure all the bullshit life had thrown at him to bleed out on a stupid boat in stupid Rivain. His face was wet now too, maybe because of the rain, or the tears, it didn't matter.

"Chief!" they were back.


	2. Rough and Tumble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian get's stitched up and broken down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> being asexual in a relationship is fucking hard when you have no idea what the fucking expectations are.

"Hey," Dorian felt an enormous pressure crushing his chest. It was like a family of nugs had made a nest under his ribs. "Hey," Dorian groaned. That voice, it was pounding through that foggy feeling, it hurt his head. Opening his eyes seemed like it would hurt his head too. The scratchy blanket on him was already grating on his nerves, and the smell of the salty sea breeze only amplified that itchy gross feeling. "Time to wake up." 

"Mnn," He protested.

"I know, I know, you were pretty beaten up but it's been a couple days, and if you don't get moving it's going to hurt you worse, so come on. Wake up." Dorian did open his eyes, it was a lot dimmer than he expected, it was only then that his head connected blanket with bedroll and not cold bloody deck. He had been moved and… and… his back, it no longer stung, he had been taken care off. He shot his eyes over to that deep hammering voice. "Hey there, handsome."

"My back," He said, his throat was dry and made his voice sound weak and scraggly.

"It was pretty infected," The voice was the big hulking Qunari captain. "But you're all better now."

"I have a headache," Dorian said.

"to be expected," The Captain said.

"and my throat hurts," He said

"I've got you some water," He was handed a water-skin, he gulped. He felt like his brain soaked it up like a sponge.

"I smell bad too, and I have to use the washroom." He complained as much as he could before they did whatever it was they were going to do to him, might as well be a pain in the ass before he befalls a terrible fate. But instead of anger or discontent the Qunari just laughed at him.

"Sure thing princess, got a tub, and a rag just for you." Dorian stilled for a moment, took a long hard look at the man. HE looked dead serious, not messing around, but he was smiling like an idiot.

"Thank you."

"Don't worry about it," The Captain smirked, then readjusted. "But I'd like to ask you some things first, think you can do me that favor?" there it was, the 'but' of it all. But who was he to say no? or lie? It's not like it could get any worse than his mind was already imagining. He'd either die, or they'd bring him in for a bounty, and nothing he said could change what they already knew, that he was a cowardly Vint deserter. 

"As long as it's nothing too personal, you no doubt know too many of my gross secrets to blackmail me into anything." Again the Qunari laughed. No hint of annoyance.

"Hopefully not, but you never know what leads to what." Dorian found himself chuckling along, it made him far to aware of the ghosting pain in his abdomen, which he reached for and found the pain much more nauseating. "You alright there?"

"Yes, just. I forgot about that one," He took a moment to catch his breath. "What would you like to ask me?"

"Why were you on our boat?"

"I heard you were going to Ferelden, and that is very far from Tevinter," Dorian said.

"Why'd you desert?" The captain asked.

Dorian paused. He didn't want to say. He didn't expect to be asked so many why questions, more like 'who are you? Where are you going? How much is your bounty?' he didn't even want to think about why he left. "Wasn't cut out to be a soldier." He said flatly.

"Not something you want to talk about I take it?" Dorian's breath escaped him in a small defeated chuckle.

"Not at all."

"What's your name then?" He asked.

"What's yours?"

"Me first? Name's The Iron Bull." He said with a grin.

"The Iron Bull, weird name. The 'The' and everything?"

"And everything."

Dorian sniffled, then held out his hand to shake, "I'm Dorian Pavus." The Iron Bull shook his hand so gently.

"Nice to meet you Dorian."

"Really? Nice to meet me? I've been stealing food off your boat for a week. I stole water too, and medical supplies. Not to mention the century long war our people have been at that I actively took part in, I have killed people like you." Dorian slammed the hand over his mouth.

"I've killed people like you too. But you left." He tried to take it in. that this was actually happening that this was actually all really real. Maker, he was actually on a boat.

"I guess that's all t-t," Dorian gasped, he covered his face with his hands. His eyes were wet, his cheeks were wet, all of a sudden, wetness just came bursting out of him. "I'm sorry." He sobbed. It was pathetic, his nose was dripping. It was dripping into his mouth, it was disgusting, he was absolutely disgusting. Damnit. He tried to wipe it all away as much as he could but it just made him feel more gross.

"No need to apologize, seems like you've been through a lot." The Iron Bull said with a surprising amount of care. Dorian started to have the feeling and hope that he at least would not be killed here. "Why don't you go wash up, meet me up on deck." Dorian nodded through his sniveling.

"Alright." The Iron Bull nodded at him then stood. It struck him then just how tall he was, he was as tall as the ceiling, he had to tilt his neck down a little so as not to scrape his horns against the wood. A pang of belated fear ripped through him briefly, before he noticed that genuine smile once again. Alright, alright. He took a moment to collect himself. He wiped his face on his tattered pant leg, he looked around and breathed. He spotted the rag and water bucket, his heart beamed. He hadn't had a proper wash in Maker knows how long. He had gotten used to his skin feeling itchy and sweaty and gross. He practically jumped out of the bedroll after that. It made the tub spill a bit from the jolt. As soon as the water touched his skin he felt a a bit of weight leave his shoulders, his muscles relaxed a little, as a he scrubbed he could even calm down enough faintly imagine the feeling of his blood flowing. He washed his hair and felt the grease build up schluff off. He sighed contentedly. Whatever was up next he had just a bit more armor on to handle it. And he would handle it. Even if he had to beg for a letter to send his father also begging him to not let the army kill him. He could do it. He kept repeating like it would change his fluttering heart beat. In the midst of the bath and his head he almost forgot he was expected on deck.

-oOo-

"I don't understand you." His mother pursed his lips. It had been a long day, again. For both of them. First his mother had come home from Minrathous to find two of the slaves having an affair; they were promptly punished and sold off to the closest trader, who was not a kind man. Second she had to deal with a frustrated Halward who had locked himself in his study, and she had to talk him down and send a few angry letters to his associates for one reason or another. And then there was Dorian. Oh, Dorian. At the age of eleven he had been sent home from yet another circle, and this time it posed more of a risk to their house than usual. A Typical bribe here and there to not mention it was nothing, they could manage that as annoying as it was but this, this was a beyond a nuisance.

Dorian sat, knees to chest, on the floor. "Dorian will you please sit down like a mature young man and look at me when I'm speaking to you?" Dorian ignored her. There was a very sharp hand mark on his cheek from where his professor had slapped him. "Dorian, do you understand how inappropriate what you did was?" His mother hardened her gaze. "Dorian, answer me."

"Why?" Dorian asked.

"What?"

"Why was it inappropriate, I don't understand why it was inappropriate." He poked the bear as much as he could before he actually treaded into danger. That was usually the routine, but this time he was a little more angry, and a little more hurt.

"you don't understand why? Dorian, you were caught kissing another boy, it should be obvious why that is inappropriate, if not disgusting." Dorian shook his head at that, bit his lip trying to keep his mouth shut. But it didn't last.

"why don't you explain it to me?" His mother closed her eyes and covered her mouth with her hands. She took a moment to breath. Aquinea never yelled.

"We are part of a great line. Our responsibility is to uphold that line, any miscreants, any … deviancy will not be tolerated, Dorian, especially sexual deviancy-"

"I just kissed him!"

"Do not interrupt me Dorian. Sexual Deviancy, Men with other men, boys with other boys, girls with other girls, that is strictly forbidden. It is not only an insult to your family line, to your duty, to your carefully crafted blood, but to the Maker himself and that kind of disrespect will not be tolerated in my house. This kind of…" She breathed in, "This kind of thing, it's hard to get rid of. Luckily you are a child, we can dismiss this indiscretion on your age, your silliness, your rebellion, but if this happens when you are older, that's going to follow you. It's going to affect you, your career. It's going to affect us, your father, me, our careers. We can't have that because if it does happen we will lose everything and do not think you are above this family's status. You are your status, if that becomes a threat, you will be sent away, Dorian do you want to be sent away?"

He was crying now, face as red as a lobster. He answered with trepidation and an acute quiver, "No."

"Then you best get yourself together, young man." With that she was off. To her room, to drink wine and read the classics. And Dorian would sit there, maybe for another hour, trying to quell the mounting horror he had suppressed the knowledge of for so long, if he messed up again he would be sent away.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoy. idk why but every time I post here it gets rid of indents and it's literally been.... five years I think and I still don't know why it does it


End file.
